A moment-still

I find myself here again; an electron of sound and vision, it encapsulates all I know, perception of time- so slow, it goes- except, with age.

Musings of desire, set to inspire my dillusions of reality; the existence of fear, of loathing and compatibility- fluoride on ceramic knows of its destiny.

To dream is wonderful- forebearings of psychology, manifested through realities shutdown, desires, manifested through an embrace of silent peace.

Dualities strange reflections for creation; unfathomable context of the designer, still- embodiment expressed within glass and plastic; pixelate lifes contextual profanity.

What happened to humanity? Those new-age history books, that forgot about us, so quick to judge in realms of adversity, universally displayed advertisements; a content paradigm.


Tired of the game, I refrain

Sleep deprived, still alive

Whispers on the wind, echo a name

Lost in a thought, memory caught

Fading like time, such a crime

Life is how it is, sadness with moments of bliss

Many have come and gone, some right, some wrong

Endless fight, for reason or purpose

Accompanied by a planetary Circus

We dance entwined within suns embrace

Decaying away, time told in the face

Alone, no matter who surrounds you

Move on again, we do what we do

Sensations of moments caught on the cloud

Drivel of conversations, shared to the crowd

I’m not ready for this, i’m still lost

Tired of myself, vessels covered with frost

Warmth is a need, cauterize the bleed

Charlatons make mockery of the decree

Escape, is the only sensibility I see


Okay, so it Thursday night and I am pretty pissed (drunk, inebriated, intoxicated) It had been two years since I had a drink ( I have an addictive personality)  i’m pretty amazed I can still spell to be honest, so if my writing somewhat meanders, you will know why. I haven’t wrote in such a long time, and to be honest it is because I feel I have nothing worthy to write. Maybe I am too apprehensive and believe that I will be judged on my character if I were to write something too cynical, and to be honest this thought has crossed my mind a lot of time. The truth is I am too scared, I am scared of the judgement and acceptance, and to acknowledge this admission maybe worthwhile of a judgment in itself. Either way, right now I’m too intoxicated to care. I don’t have anything worthwhile to write about, but maybe this will hit someone that I have never met before and change their way of thinking forever, and maybe open their eyes to some worthwhile reasoning, or maybe it will not.

I have thoughts; thoughts that manifest into a realm beyond belief, and I get lost in these thoughts and these thoughts take me away from the realm of reality into pure imagination. Please allow me to elaborate. I had a thought once, the thought was a manifestation of reality and duality. The thought was; If life as we perceive it now, as is to be in the realms of our reality where the night sky is dark and the sun is bright, and black holes exist, and for everything to be, must have a counter opposite. Such as man has woman, up has down and light has dark (Ying and yang). Then what is to stop the notion that through the centre of a black hole we will be made privy to a new universe where the night sky is white, the stars that fill them are black and life is made up of matter in the form of energy? The mere fact that my thoughts can even delve that deep is a testament to the way that we as individuals are able to perceive the reality that we live in. I digress, the point I am trying to make is that, nobody knows. I mean nobody really knows the truth behind it all. There may be someone who is confident and successful, but down at the heart of it all, they are just as fragile and human as you realise yourself to be. The perfect realisation of truth came to, quite suddenly, when I realised that we are just a moment, a pure moment in the grand scheme of the universe. If you don’t understand what I mean, then please follow this link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uD4izuDMUQA

Yes, yes, I’m sorry if this is filled with grammatical errors and spelling mistakes, I’m annoyed at my laptop. This is life though, perhaps the only one that we are able to perceive, man I’m talking a lot of crap. I will probably wake up on the morrow and delete this piece. I might in fact indulge in the meanderings of a drunk Stephen. I guess that will be one for the future me to decide. I really must stop leaving a lot of decisions for the future me to resolve, I guess old habits really do die hard.

Sorry for my overindulgence of personification, I leave that to the times we live in. Much love and peace as always!

Does the universe have influence?

Lately, I have not felt like writing at all. My book still has only 30 pages. I feel I have come to a stumbling block and may have to write just to get to the points I know I am ready to write and rewrite later. The one thing that has been a concern to me of late is the power within numbers. Specifically, regarding the numbers 1111, 2222 and 3333. If I recorded the amount times, I have seen these numbers consistently in the past week, you would not believe me. I check the time on my phone, I see the numbers. I pause a YouTube video; I see the numbers. I check the mileage on my car, I see the numbers. Licence Reg, I see the numbers. Football match I check the clock and see the numbers. Now either something is trying to communicate with me, or I am making it seem that way. I think you get the point.

Now, I believe in a universal power, I believe that everything and everyone are connected within the realm of the known universe. My question to myself was why was this happening so often to me? It was true that I had lost my way a little lately, I had to remember where I was a few years ago. I was genuinely enjoying life, going places, seeing people and was in better shape back then. I had long hair, had a good job, just gotten out of a toxic relationship and was free. Everything seemed to be coming up rosy for me. The universe was reacting to my positive outlook on life. Then something happened. A girl that I knew from my university days, messaged me out of the blue. She was still in a relationship herself that was toxic, and I helped her find a way out of that. I guess I did not think it through properly. The universe was acting, and I responded. We picked up right where we left off from university it seemed. I was smitten to say the least, the thing I did not realise is I was slowly losing myself. I was always there for her, and that was very demanding of me. So much so that I lost myself. My job became laborious, my fitness out of the window, my friends pushed to the backline. This was not me at all. Yet I was happy, making her happy. The realisation of my ways came quite suddenly when I lost my job. I was not hitting the sales targets, so understandably that it came to an end. I was offered another job in Matlock. I decided to pass and see what was waiting for me out there and see where the universe would take me next.

Most people would think I was crazy to do such a thing. I did not see any harm in this. I have no dependent people relying on me and had saved some money that I was planning for a holiday with me and Kirsty. I of course told her about it, and as she had quit her job days earlier, I asked her how she would feel if we instead went on a road trip. Maybe we would find ourselves out there together. I was again trusting in the universe. It was a wonderful adventure we had planned to go up the East coast of England through to the South boarder of Scotland and follow it up west, before we eventually came down and then back to the west coast of England and through to Wales, the south of England and back home. We had it all planned and we brought the many things we would need for the adventure. I kitted out the boot of my vehicle to make a sleeping quarters and reliable storage unit. It was a good adventure, and then we reached Wales. We had used the tent at a camping ground the previous night, I woke up and she was already ready to go. She told me then, that she wanted to go back home. I of course obliged and asked her what was wrong. She just wanted to go home. It was a quiet ride back, we had one last meal from a fat food joint and then I found myself at her home. I helped her with her stuff, and we hugged. The last thing she ever said to me from her mouth was: “I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed”. That stung bitterly, I mean I know I am not perfect; I never delude myself of that, but what the fuck? I got in my car and went. I was annoyed, I really wanted to see Wales again, it is beautiful. So, I got back home, dismantled the makeshift bed and storage, unpacked my things, then went for a bath. As I came out of the bath, I had messages from her. She was pissed I did not message her, she decided it was not working out for her and ended it through a text message. She wrote: ‘I told you, as soon as I wasn’t happy, you would lose me’. I tried ringing her but to no avail. This was the week before my 30th birthday. Then it hit me like a sack of ice. In the last month, I had lost my job, my girlfriend and pretty much all my money. (That trip was expensive, seriously should have picked a holiday abroad).

I cannot even remember what happened in the weeks that followed. I was pissed off though, but man was I tired. It had been a while since I did not have someone wanting my attention every single moment of the day, and that was good to have that back again. After my birthday came and went, she messaged me again. I never replied. Then I went to the gig we had planned to go to together (She had bought the tickets as a present) I went with someone else. The next day I get another message ‘Who did you go to the gig with’? I never replied. That is the last message she ever sent me. I think it fits well to the monument of our relationship. She was only ever interested in what I could do for her. I did love her though, I guess that is why it was such a hard pill to swallow. I guess I needed to write this in order to understand the truth. Especially with the Covid situation as it is now, I guess my mind has been wandering back there lately. With this understanding of what had been playing on my mind of late, I wonder if that had something to do with the numbers I have been seeing regularly.

I research into it. The first thing that pops up ‘Angel Number’. What is this? Some more mystic Meg bullshit? I think to myself. I read on:

1111: Seeing angel number 1111 should also be your motivation to eliminate all negative thoughts from your mind.

Also, you should eliminate all other negative things from your life and live happily. If you are thinking in a positive way, then you will be able to attract positive energy into your life. But, if you think negatively, then negative things will happen to you and your angels are trying to tell you that through angel number 1111.

If you keep seeing angel number 1111 everywhere, it means that miracles are possible and something great will happen to you. If you think that your life has no sense and if you are going through a difficult period right now, then we can tell you that angel number 1111 will change your life completely.

2222: We have already said that angel number 2222 is a symbol of calmness and peace. When this number comes into your life, you will become calm and you will change your way of thinking and perceiving things. You will become a more positive person and you will realize that life is something beautiful.

You just need to learn how to live it and how to enjoy in little things that you have all around you. If you recognize angel number 2222 and if you accept the message from your angels, you will learn how to think in a positive way and how to live better. Your angels will help you get rid of all negative things from your life and they will give you their support.

3333: If angel number 3333 has appeared in your life more than once, it is possible that your angels are trying to catch your attention this way. They want to tell you that your future will be bright and full of success.

You need to accept the message that has been sent to you and to try to interpret it more thoroughly.

We have already told you what secret meanings may be hidden behind angel number 3333, so it will not be hard for you to realize what it means when you see this number somewhere.

First of all you should know that the number that your angels have sent to you will give you motivation and encouragement to keep working hard. You need to accept all your responsibilities and obligations and to do the things more seriously.

All these have been directly cited from: https://angelnumber.org

As much as I hate to admit it, these ‘angel numbers’ really hit me in a place I had not respected for a while, my soul.  I am still a very spiritual person, and this resonates with me. The universe was reaching out again, but my trust has wavered. I fear, that by trusting the universe again I open myself up for my pain and misery, but wow that scenery was breath-taking, maybe it is time to trust the universe again, or maybe I should have never stopped.

Do you believe in universal influence?

Have you ever seen these numbers appear frequently?

Are we all just part of a bigger plan?

Peace and love as always!

Happy International Peace Day


  1. Freedom from disturbance; tranquillity.

2. A state or period in which there is no war or a war has ended.

Happy international peace day everybody. Here’s to hoping that we eventually manage to get there. When we have had so many problems to deal with this year it’s hard to imagine what a peaceful world would look like. For me peace is when you lose yourself. When you are lost completely in a moment that you are the moment. For me peace can be found at the peak of a mountain, the eyes of a lover, dancing, or the laugh of a baby. These to me are all moments of complete consciousness. When I am aware of the reality I am in, that it overwhelms me with life and love. Such are the wonders of life.

Where can your peace be found?

Peace and love as always!

Philosophy saved my life

About three years ago I became fascinated with philosophy, I needed to find a reason; a purpose for living, I was struggling with some personal demons, so I did my research like I do with most everything. It was during this time that I began listening to Alan Watts (My personal favourite) It was life changing for me. So much so, that my friends and family thought I was part of a cult. So funny this notion is to me (I am in hysterics as I write this). The truth is, that is how much his insight into the way of the world affected it me. It had a profound influence over me and my way of living and if I am honest if it were not for him, I don’t think I would be here right now writing this piece. So as a homage to philosophy in general I have decided to share a few of my favourites, accompanied by an understanding of the reasons behind them. These reasons apply to me personally, you should therefore gain whatever insight is personal to you from them. In doing this I hope it will help you on your life’s journey, as it has helped me on mine.

Everything that happens happens as it should, and if you observe carefully, you will find this to be so. ~Marcus Aurelius

Life as it is now, and existence is the way it should be in the context of the universe. If it were not so, then you would not be. A similar connotation would be life is a wave, it is better to flow with it, than against it. Why worry when everything is as exactly as it should be, just be.

The essence of philosophy is that a man should so live that his happiness shall depend as little as possible on external things. ~Epictetus

True happiness for me, does not come from external things. I am not controlled by the want of a better phone, bigger T.V, better car. These are only things, and do not control my happiness. Happiness for me comes from within, from nature and from life itself. That is not to say that I do not indulge in the finer arts, specifically books. A few years ago, a homeless man and his S.O broke into my car, they stole my Sony headphones and my I-pod and some money. I caught them in the act, but they rushed off. I did not report it, I thought that they really must have needed it more than me. Although that is not to say I do not miss the personal collection of music that was made by me for me on the I-pod, wish I had a back-up of that.

If anyone tells you that a certain person speaks ill of you, do not make excuses about what is said of you but answer, “He was ignorant of my other faults, else he would not have mentioned these alone.” ~Epictetus

Be yourself and be proud of yourself. Most importantly accept you for who you are. No matter what other people may think of you, or what they may say about you behind your back. This is what makes you an individual after all. Let go of the fear.

“kindly let me help you or you will drown,” said the monkey putting the fish safely up a tree.

~Alan watts

My personal favourite. Through life you will have people that come and people that go. These people may at times decide what is best for you, but do they really know themselves? Does anyone really know what is right for anyone else? After all we are all just living through our own hopes and fears. This resonates with me even now, when I turn on the news, to see the leaders of the world, sitting on their moral high horse of hypocrisy.

I have realized that the past and future are real illusions, that they exist in the present, which is what there is and all there is.

~ Alan watts

If you are like me, then you will find yourself day dreaming through out the day of past events. The truth of this being that your past is now existing in your present. The present being the only moment that you truly exist. When we are lost in our thoughts and desires for the future, understand that it is occurring in the present moment. So, when I wish for the future, I often reflect on this and therefore live in the past. Such a paradox. Don’t waste your life wishing away, otherwise you are neglecting the only true moments you have,

“Television is by nature the dominator drug par excellence. Control of content, uniformity of content, repeatability of content make it inevitably a tool of coersion, brainwashing, and manipulation.”

~Terence Mckenna

More of a statement against conformity and complacency than a philosophy, but words of wisdom none the less. When black and white televisions were the way that people watched television, people began to dream in black and white. The influence of advertisements on people, is a force to be reckoned with, so much depends on consumerism for the maintaining of a capitalist society. Television programmes act as a coercion not only for zombification but to distract from the real problems of the world. Think of all the many things that could have been accomplished by people if they only turned their television off. Then again, hold that thought and think of all the things that would not have been accomplished, if the people that accomplished the great things would have instead watched television.

The rabbit snare exists because of the rabbit. Once you’ve gotten the rabbit, you can forget the snare. Words exist because of meaning. Once you’ve gotten the meaning, you can forget the words. Where can I find a man who has forgotten words so I can talk with him?”


I think this is self-explanatory. Do not hold onto things too much, for they are acting as cruxes in your life. Do not hold onto your fears, find ways of getting past them, so you can let them go.

“When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.”

~Lao Tzu

From arguably the very first philosopher. Throughout your life, you see yourself within the realm of yourself within your own perception of how you perceive yourself and the world around you. If you were to let go of this, you can become whatever it is that you might wish to be in life. If you are scared of heights, go skydiving. Life is yours to conquer.

I will leave you now with an excerpt from a transcript of Alan Watts, that tickles me with laughter.

The master Bokuju was asked, “We have to dress and eat every day, and how do we escape from all that?” In other words, how do we get out of routine? And he said, “We dress, we eat.” He said, “I don’t understand.” Bokuju said, “If you don’t understand, put on your clothes and eat your food.”~ Alan Watts talking about Zen  

Peace and Love as always!


A planted seed

Roots intertwine deeply

Pushing through walls

Springs birth

Reflected in the estuary

Skies of baby blue

Ghostly steps etched

Lost to the promenade

Summer of tulips and lilac

Painted canvas of opal

Monument and testament to time

The leaves rustle

Cinnamons sweet smell

Echoed laughter

Lost to the oceans roar

Swaying waves

Smash along the rocky shore

Tidal retreat reveals all

The leaves fall

Autumn shows true

Scattered foliage of auburn

Homage to her hair

The water still

To the overcast storm

Ripples within our reflection

I remained

You found shelter

Winters pale sunlight

Shone through baron tree

Sun and moon

Hung in the sky

Snow began to fall

Footprints on the promenade

The tide withdrawn

No trace left

Of the two sets left before

Are we suffering from amnesia?

In a life where everything is in high demand and fast paced, I cannot help but recollect how we got to this point. It is certain to say that the modern way of life is the best way of life that we have known. Thanks to innovations in technologies and the rise of the internet, health has never been better (except for the current pandemic) and food distribution has never been more accessible than now. This generally happening from the 90’s onwards but began at the beginning of the industrial revolution. Yet even in this prime age of living, we seem to have an unrelenting feeling in our inner souls. Depression and anxiety are at an all-time high, global warming although still questioned is becoming more and more identifiable as the cause of sudden weather changes and natural disasters. So, as with everything our want for a better way of living must be met with challenges and strife.

This led me to ask the question, what would our society now look like if it were not for revelations within our history. There have been many times in previous history where wars were raged. It holds a big part, battles were fought across the world, new regimes making way from the old regimes. New conquerors setting out to make their mark on the world. From the Roman Empire taking over major parts of the world, followed by Alexander the Great conquering many lands and making his name reach through the annals of future times. To most recently the British Empire and colonization of lands. It is through these brief yet monumental times within our history, where valid pieces of educational texts, philosophies of other civilizations way of life and many intellectual scholars have been destroyed and killed. Never for us to know what relevance they had ever held towards the world, the biggest example of this being the library at Alexandria. Even now in our modern day, we are still finding long lost historical monuments and texts, that seem to ask more questions than they answer.

The latest information of our oldest civilizations as we know it stems from historical dig sites that have found ancient tablets from a civilization known as the Sumerians. They lived in an area of land called Mesopotamia which is an area in modern day Iraq (Even now I think of all the damage done in the recent Iraq wars). Even now I’m perplexed at the idea of a civilization being able to write at such an early age in our history, but to do it with such beauty and understanding (even writing contracts), is a fundamental link to out existence then and our existence now.


So, I ask:

Are we all just lost in life? We all seem to ask a valid question for the purpose of our existence. Did we have a better understanding of it then? If so, is this the reason we are so perplexed by life’s fast pace in these modern times? Is this the reason why so many of us are depressed? The missing parts of our history, that can directly correlate existence from thousands of years prior to our modern day.

In this age of technology, we can share our thoughts and innovations over a broader scale. This clearly has only helped humanities case in the confines of our existence, it has allowed us to progress at an exponential rate, more so than ever before. Would it be unwise for me to assume therefore that we may even find ourselves in a more advanced state if it were not for the lost history that we shall never know. Even now I think of the Great Pyramids of Giza and wonder in the achievement of something so magnificently monumental. That even now in our present time we could not achieve such a magnificent piece of architecture. We live fast lives and as such we get truly little time to just sit and wonder, or maybe it is just easier to forget?

Neuralink. Good or Bad?

This is the new piece of hardware technology that acts as a software for potential problems within your brain. Identifying problems of anxiety, memory loss, hearing loss, blindness, insomnia, seizures and depression to name a few of the many problems it claims to help. Whilst these are wonderful things to combat against, I cannot help but feel it comes with a cost (I do not mean in value terms). I have tried to research into the product a bit more, but I do not trust Wikipedia, their own website leading to prospective job opportunities only and aside from that an article released in May that tells of this product being available to consumers within a year.

For me it is hard not question such a technological wonder, on the outside it does all these wonderful things for the betterment of humanity and it will therefore act as interface for connecting to A.I all over the world. The problem is that it acts as interface for connecting to A.I all over the world. So, talking will be a thing of the past, because we will be able to relay our own thoughts to each other without having to speak through telepathic augmentation devices.

Now I do not know enough about this yet, but it has me personally concerned. It has me concerned for many factors:

  1. It is implanted into the brain– For me, the brain is the window for the soul, I would not want anybody else to have willing access to my inner most thoughts. That is what psychologists are for. You would not want a hacker to hack your computer, so why would you willingly have your whole self in a vulnerable position where ‘you’ could be hacked?
  2. GPS- Well, there are both positives and negatives to take away from this one. If you were to get hurt, need assistance, kidnapped or just generally lost. Then this would be a great thing to have, we already have it with our phones, but then also comes the problem. Anyone could know where you were at any given moment throughout your entire life. You could no longer surprise people; you would never be free, and it would diminish police force whilst possibly lowering crime.
  3. Malfunction- What happens if the device defaults? Will it have detrimental affects to your brain, will the way you perceive reality be haltered through such a device? There is just not enough information to understand the true implications of such a device.
  4. Virus- We are all very aware that computers can get a virus and mobile phones are prone too. So, what happens if your device implanted into your brain would get a virus? What would be the damage to your mental health if such a thing were to happen?
  5. Updates- We all know that operating systems require frequent updates, and some of these updates have legal jargon accompanied which we never truly bother to read because of the time it would take to read them and legal language is not the easiest to understand. Would an update to such a device hinder your cognitive capabilities, would an update change the understanding that you have legally with the system? Where would you stand if you wanted it removed?
  6. We were so busy concerned with if we could, that we neglected to ask if we should- Do we really need such a device? We are all contracted to the same fate within life, we age, we get sick, we die. That is a part of human existence. This device will counteract such problems and may leave us alive well past our ‘best before’ date. The implications of this would be profound in terms of life expectancy and working expectancy, is that a good thing for the future generations? When limited prospects now are a concern?


I only have my own thoughts on the technology as it is now, but with anything that promises good results there must be concern to why they have not listed the possible bad concerns that they may have. Elon Musk has already enlightened his own thoughts on the A.I taking over the world. With an augmented technology such as this, are we not only making ourselves become part of a bigger concern?


I would greatly appreciate anybody else’s findings on this wonderful yet harrowing piece of technology:


Do the benefits of the device outweigh the negatives?


Are we running before we can walk?


Is our freedom the cost of happy, healthy living? If so, is it a fair price to pay?


Should these products and innovations be allowed to be bought by consumers?


Thanks for reading. Peace and love as always.